COLUMN: How To Talk To a Trump Voter

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to CacheValleyDaily.com. Harry is a resident of Logan and an alumnus of Utah State University. He can be reached via email at hacaines@gmail.com. His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees. 

<em>“Prejudices are what fools use for reason.”</em>

—Voltaire

Do you personally know any Trump voters? Have you discussed their reasoning, if any, for supporting his candidacy? Or, are you flummoxed by Trump’s campaign and willfully ignorant as to how any stable person can want this shameless narcissist to attain immense political power.

Such ignorance belongs to me. I only know one person that is going to vote for Donald Trump in November. I would like to lambaste this man as an under-educated, crude hick. Quite the opposite. He is not only one of my dearest friends, but a man of uncompromising integrity. He is a man of honor who I would entrust with the lives of my children if I knew my life was coming to an end.

When it comes to Trump voters, he is the exception.

From targeted samplings of television and print stories, social networking posts and other smaller, tangible factors, I have concluded that a vast majority of Trump voters are ignorant, uncultured, bitter, gullible, rural, uncouth, and generally prejudiced White men and women who believe that they have been shafted by a system that they believe has deserted them.

Somehow, Donald Trump has become the apotheosis for the obtuse rabble that has hijacked the Republican party. And most of us stare at him and his misanthropic masses with horror and vexation. His ascension is a sign of truly bad days in our history. And we that refuse to grant Trump or his supporters legitimacy in a sane world are just to do so.

As we are, we still occupy a country with these people. We might have to talk to them, even if accidentally. Would you know how to have a conversation with a Trump voter? Could you control your snarky disdain for their imprudent, myopic worldview? If this is a talent that you currently do not possess, Your Humble Columnist will now abandon the standard form of prose in the second half of this column and give you, in bullet points, a few suggestions as to how to talk to a Trump voter, if faking a heart attack or ritual suicide are not plausible options to avoid such an unfortunate confrontation.

<ul><li>Firstly, you must notice the semantics of my thesis. I stated I will teach you how to talk “to” a Trump voter. Not “with” a Trump voter. While both you and a TV—an ironic abbreviation for Trump voters given that he made his bones in reality television—might both speak the English language, that does not mean a TV can comprehend the words you are annunciating. Consider what Trump says in his speeches. It is a cacophony of gibberish. A word salad of no distinguishable policy initiatives. His voters want to hear about building walls, stopping Muslim terrorists and making America great again. To gain the attention of a TV, use small words, regurgitate non-sensical platitudes many times and remember that America is not currently great.</li><li>Most TVs are white, have little education past high school and find Trump’s incoherent blather to be sage. Add the conspiracy theories he spouts off and you have a blueprint for how a TV sees things that, to be blunt, are beyond the sight of rational people. Perhaps you and a TV can bond over Oliver Stone’s film, “JFK”. Or you can discuss how Jews working at the World Trade Center all called out of work on 9/11 because, as Trump likes to imply on many subjects, something is going on. Maybe you can go shopping together at a prepper store. And if he tells you how that Muslim guy who owns the gas station seems to have shady characters coming and going in the middle of the night, tell the TV you got a cousin who works for the CIA. Say you will make a call and have the situation looked into.</li><li>Social gatherings with TVs are not hard on the wallet. A 30 pack of Natural Light beer does not put you out more than $20. Wearing t-shirts with stupid sayings such as “these colors don’t bleed”, or “Murica: Love It or Leave It” are great conversation starters. American flag bandanas make a great first impression. To really get on the good side of a TV at their gatherings, go out of your way to compliment their teenage children’s neck tattoos. They cost a lot of money and took days of thoughtful consideration.</li><li>Culturally, TVs do not like anything cultured. They do not read newspapers. They do not watch PBS past 11 AM. They may watch Fox News, but not when those Washington elites are bashing Mr. Trump. Movies have superheroes and loud explosions or they get bored within 20 minutes. If you ask a TV who the three worst people in history are, they would say Adolf Hitler, Hillary Clinton and that Chad guy from “The Bachelorette”. A TV’s favorite philosopher is Sarah Palin. If you bring up the New York Times to a TV, they will become angered. At this point, they can only be mollified by asking them to share the story about that time they were arrested for urinating on a cop car when they were in 8th grade.</li></ul>

Did you find my “advice” to be nothing more than simplistic stereotypes? If you answered yes to that question, then I accomplished my personal goal with this thesis. Most Trump voters have been seduced by this unhinged lunatic. They have been duped. Trump uses language that specifically was meant to rouse the worst angels of our nature to a concentrated lather. Trump plays on stereotypes in an effort to bring angry people to his cause.

Trump uses stereotypes about women, Muslims, minorities and other groups in an effort to attain political power, which I believe he only wishes to possess as a means to appease his voluminous ego.

Trump uses stereotypes to embolden his base. They swallow his tripe whole, and that makes them worthy of my scorn and ridicule. They are worthy of being relegated to a stereotype. And they are unworthy, at least to me, of being treated seriously in conversation.

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