COLUMN: A traitor’s confession

Harry Caines contributes a weekly column to His column is a work of opinion, and does not reflect the views of Cache Valley Daily, the Cache Valley Media Group, or its employees.

When this column is completed, they will have changed the secret handshake. The password to enter the Mahogany Lounge will be different—it was swordfish. And the pass key that used to give me access to the executive washroom will no longer turn that little red light to green. And cutting in line at the supermarket? I can kiss that goodbye.

I am Harry Caines, I am going to do what is verboten to any good and true Republican in the state of Utah–I will be voting for Barack Obama’s re-election come November.


How did this come to pass? Anyone who listened to me over the summer on KVNU knew I would not vote for Mitt Romney. Mitt’s insincerity and hollowness is just too much to ignore. If he was always a social conservative, I will tolerate him. If he remained a social liberal, I would exalt him. He is neither. His is a foundation built upon murky water. And I could no more support him simply because he was a Republican than I could support my beloved Philadelphia Eagles when they decided to let a dog killer named Michael Vick be their quarterback.

With me, the principle comes first.

Still, Obama? Have I lost my senses? There are 3rd party candidates whom I could support. Gary Johnson, the Libertarian is a good candidate. Well, except that he is the Libertarian candidate. The complete dearth of pragmatism in Libertarian ideology runs counter to good governance. Consider:

On my KVNU show, I had a member of the Utah Libertarian on as a guest. I asked him why his party was not running a U.S. Senate candidate this year. He told me it was because the party was short on funds. Amazing how not collecting money can affect political entities, is it not? Sometimes, you do have to tax people to pay for stuff.

The Constitution Party is a big fat nyet for me because they scare me. So does the Green Party, although I have met their Veep candidate on two occasions. Her name is Cheri Honkala. Her claim to fame is fighting to allow homeless people to squat in vacant buildings in Philadelphia. If I move back home I might hit her up for a place to stay.

Rocky Anderson is running. So is Roseanne Barr. Suddenly, Millard Fillmore doesn’t seem to be such a bad president. I could vote for the Prohibition Party—as if getting a drink in this town isn’t hard enough!

Nope. None of them works for me. I will face the seething bile and apoplectic contempt hurled at me by my fellow Republicans and vote for that Communist Muslim from Kenya (I watch way too much Fox News). The reason I am doing this is quite simple.

I like him.

If I am going to vote for someone to be on my TV for the next four years, I am voting for the guy I like. I disagree with quite a bit of the president’s agenda; but, I have no idea what Mitt’s agenda is. Under Obama, the Stock Market is surging, private sector jobs are increasing, the housing market is coming back, the auto industry was saved and his foreign policy has been a much better success than his Republican predecessor.

All Mitt did was save the Olympics. Except Canada beat the U.S. in the gold medal hockey game. If Mitt was so great, we would have crushed those danged Canucks!

I like Obama. I do not like, and I do not trust Mitt. My vote is my voice. And my voice will not sing hosannas for some rich guy so desperate to win an election that he will change his political ideology in mid-paragraph just because he is a member of my party. Mitt changes his stance on issues faster than Spinal Tap changes drummers. Pass.

So, do your worst to me Utah GOP. Strip me of my special decoder ring. Prevent me from getting free refills at Carl’s Jr. Deny me the weekly gold leaf special edition Glenn Beck newsletters. And chisel my face in the Mount Rushmore of Traitors next to Judas Iscariot, Benedict Arnold and Riley Nelson.

I have committed the Unforgivable Sin. I have decided to vote conviction over party loyalty.

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